Last year my father was diagnosed with terminal liver cancer. When the doctor gave us the news I was stunned, but I can’t say that I was surprised. You see, for as long as I can remember, my father used alcohol as a way of coping with the demons of his past. For this reason (and others), we were never really that close. Still, I always loved him deeply and I didn’t want him to be alone during his final days on the earth.

After discussing the situation, my wife and I made the decision to provide hospice care for him in our home. He died on Thanksgiving Day, about two weeks after he was diagnosed. It was one of the most trying experiences of my life, but I was grateful that he was able to transition peacefully amongst family and friends.

My father developed a strong faith in Jesus Christ during his latter years so I am certain that life is much better for him now. Sadly, he lived most of his life in turmoil because he never realized just how much his life really mattered.

From what I have seen and heard, his mother was a lot like the foster mother depicted in the movie Antwone Fisher. His father was never an active part of his life, and he was consistently forced into the role of being the caregiver for his younger siblings. His daughter distrusted him almost until the time that he passed away. My mother divorced him because of infidelity and his second wife left him because of his drinking problem. He died with $45 dollars in his bank account, minimal assets, and no insurance policy. By all worldly accounts he was a failure.

However, at his wake I met people from his past and present who were profoundly impacted by the love he shared with them during everyday encounters. At his funeral, people spoke of him as if he had been a Nobel Peace Prize winner.

I never really thought much of him when he was alive. I think he had trouble thinking very highly of himself. But as I listened to the remarks being given about my dad I learned a valuable lesson:

God uses imperfect people because there aren't any perfect people around.

1 Corinthians 1:25-27 says "For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength. Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong."

In arrogance, I thought of myself as better than my dad. In his dying, I was brought to my knees by the realization that he was someone to be respected and admired. He was not perfect…but he made a mark on this world that I believe will be recorded in the annals of eternity.

I received the following letter in the mail after my fathers funeral. It is a testament to his legacy and I pray that it will inspire you to live transforming the world the way he did. -EC

_________________________________________________________

Dear Eric,

Your father was a cherished friend. We met over two years ago when I approached him about providing care for the old mansion and grounds at the rape crisis center I manage. Two years is merely a blink in a lifetime, yet knowing your father changed my life in ways difficult to explain.

At his service today, I was grinning when you and Mr. Stovall noted his early morning "connections." I, too, am a very early morning person, arriving at the office around 6:00-6:30 each morning. Don knew the coffee would be on and he’d often pop in to fill his mug, or sit and chat for a bit before he tackled his day’s agenda.

Those conversations are precious to me. Your father was a great educator. I refer to him as a political scientist and historian. We talked history (rather he did, while I learned), politics, race relations, sports, music, spirituality, and even addictive illness.

I mention that because your father was a great humanitarian. I never, ever, heard him say an unkind thing about anyone. He spoke so fondly of you and Simone, his grandchildren, and his church community. And he always went the extra mile in his work, without expectation of notice or reward.

In an office of 20+ women, Don was like an anchor for us; a man we trusted, admired, enjoyed immensely, and depended upon. He was the epitome of respect and goodwill. His passing rocked our agency. I still look for his white van each morning.

Eric, I know your father had demons he fought probably most of his life. That could not have been easy for you and your sister...family dynamics are so complicated. But what touched me deeply was your father’s determination to keep trying to do what was right. That was inspiring. He lived fully, yet humbly.

I want to add one more thing. In the courtyard of our office building was a pathetic hibiscus plant no one took the time to care for - until your father entered out lives. He nurtured that plant for two years to produce magnificent, stunning, enormous blooms! What a lovely legacy he has left for our clients who come for trauma recovery, for those of us who need frequent reminders of the beauty in life. Each spring and summer as those blossoms unfold, I will feel your father’s presence and celebrate the richness of his extraordinary spirit…

I wish you peace,

-SI

Note: The mission of the Rape Assistance and Awareness Program is To eliminate sexual violence by providing services that assist victims of sexual assault and programs that educate the public about preventing sexual violence. To learn more or to get envolved, please visit them today on the web at www.raap.org




Written by Eric Canaday. This article may be reproduced for non-commercial purposes in any medium without applying for permission. © Laborers In Action, Inc.